SIR CASSIE, THE CROSS-EYED CAT
You’ve heard of “The Cat in the Hat”?
(If you haven’t, drop this and read THAT!)
Well, the cat of this verse
Isn’t better or worse…
But he’s different—so I’ll explain that.
His left eye is sparkling and bright
But can only see things on the right.
His right eye is deft
At seeing things left
So his eyes cross a path day and night.
Our cross-eyed cat’s name was Miss Cassie
But he was a lad, not a lassie.
It made not a whit
Just made him seem silly and sassy.
We thought her a girl when we got her
(A gift to our young son and daughter)
And her name wasn’t “Sir”
‘Cause we thought him a her
The man told us that when we bought her.
But quite soon we would realize that
Our cross-eyed cat wasn’t just that—
Oh, my! She’s a he!
Just look at him—-see?
Miss Cassie’s a “sir” of a cat!
It’s a little bit weird and yet tender
To discover a pet’s a new gender!
We had known the eyes crossed
But the sex had been lost!
And that makes a great limerick ender!
FIDDLE WHITTLE RIDDLE
Dittany fittani whittle
I’m feeling as fit as a fiddle
How would some fiddles fit
If they don’t feel like it?
That’s a really, ideally riddle!
TWO LIMERICKS FOR LITTLE ONES
A farmer named Piddley-Puddle
Got all of his ducks in a muddle
Instead of “quack quack”
They said “stop and go back!”
And forgot even how they should waddle!
You’ve heard of old Lickety Split?
When young he could run quite a bit
But as he got old
So the story is told…..
His legs just got up and they git!
What cow ever high-jumped the moon?
That must have been said by some goon!
A cow couldn’t jump
Over even a pump!
Oh—-maybe it went by balloon!!
What spoon ran away with a dish?
Now you know, try as hard as you wish
Neither one is so fleet
Or even has feet!!!
Though....we do know there ARE flying fish!!!
What’s it like to be schooled in your house?
Do you put on a clean shirt or blouse?
And neaten your hair
When the only one there
Is a screen (with some pics) and—a mouse!
Well, of course your teacher’s there too—
Working hard just so students like you
Can grow—sure, it’s rough
Remote learning is tough!
But stick with it; you'll be proud when you’re through!
THE DOGLESS LAMENT
(not a limerick)
I’ve never had a dog, no sir,
I’ve never had a pup
I hate to tell you that, but see,
I’m anxious to ‘fess up
I had a kitty cat once—
Her name was George, but she
Was really feminine, and did
n’t stay too long with me
“Cause she belonged to someone else
Who’s mother, anti-cat—
Was visiting from overseas
So I (good friend) at that
Took George while mama visited
(My memory’s kinda foggy)—-
We got on well, did George and I
But I’ve never had a doggy!
The election is over—it’s done!
But we can’t just relax and have fun!
The country is split
And the problem is it
Needs a lot of big problems undone!
Yes, we now have a big job to do—
And we all can help out, even you!
Try a walk in the shoes
Of the people who lose—
And you may find yourself helping, too!
HOW TO READ —and maybe write—A LIMERICK
There was a young lady named Pearl
Who lived all her life in a whirl
She would go out for sports
In her tee shirt and shorts
And the audience cried, “Atta girl!”
Now, read this next verse just like that:
Your voice should be lilting, not flat.
The middle, you see,
Could rhyme a, b, c, d,
But the last line? Sat, rat, fat or bat!
What’s hard is to do a good rhyme
(Tho you can do something silly, like I’m!)
If you stick to the patter
That makes it all matter
You’re a limerick writer, big time!
(not a limerick)
(and not for the littlest ones)
Dinosaurs’ food was complicated!
Learning what one liked and ate, it
Seems an herbivore still traded
What we’d think was veggie plated.
Fish and bugs capitulated
To their appetite to sate it.
My info may be long out-dated
You’d better check to regulate it!
There’s a time and a place for that phone
(Did I just now hear all of you groan?)
If you go out to eat
With your parents—a treat!
Please, please PLEASE leave that gadget alone!
What, you say, YOUR parents use it?
Oh dear, let’s hope THEY don’t confuse it
With real conversation !
Is what happens when folks tend to choose it.
A dinner out SHOULD be a treat!
Where you talk as a group when you meet
I say, please don’t let’s risk
Family time, tsk tsk tsk!
Won’t you try it the next time you eat?
That booger belongs in a tissue!
And not anywhere near where I kiss you
No, it isn’t like sugar
Please get rid of that booger!
Or someone is likely to squish you!
Your body goes down from the top—
You can tell me when I ought to stop!
The head holds your brain
(Like: get out of the rain!)
And your hair’s what a barber will chop!
Your eyes, nose and mouth fill your face.
Keep that clean or go down in disgrace!
Below those are your chin
Above your chin is your grin!
And your neck holds them all in their place.
Way down at the bottom are toes, ’n’
If it really gets cold, they get frozen!
They are part of your feet—
And can beat a retreat
If you’re chased by a bear—-just supposin’!